Month: May 2015

Atta-Boy Migraine!!!

Baseball, unlike softball, does not have cheers and such during the game.  Which I am thankful for, because I do not like having those stuck in my head for days at a time.

Sayings however, baseball does have.  And one that I heard very often during this last season from one of my son’s good friends during games was ‘Atta-Boy’!  But it wasn’t said as it is written, it was more like ‘Atttttaaaaa Booooooyyyyyyy!!!’ in the most deep, loud, almost gurgly voice possible.

It totally grew on me.  To the point where just yesterday I yelled ‘Atttaaaa Giiirrrrllll!’ to my daughter during her soccer game.

Got me thinking, on day 44 of no migraines, I think an ‘Atta-Boy’ is suitable towards my migraines.

So here goes, ‘Atttttaaaaa Giiiirrrllll!’ to my brain for no migraines!

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Taking a lesson from my husband.

It was about 7:00 pm on a Thursday. Dishes were on the table, dishes were in the sink.

Kids were getting their showers done, finishing homework, reading.

I cleaned up, did all the dishes, washed down the table and counters, mopped…ha ha, who am I kidding, I hate mopping, I swiped a wet towel across the kitchen floor under the sink area and called it a day.

It had been a while since I had seen my husband.  He had disappeared into the backyard somewhere.  Not unusual.  He often goes outside to make work phone calls, and evening time is not out of the ordinary.

Dishes done, house picked up, children clean, hanging out, ready for bed. It’s 8:30 now, and I’m folding a load of laundry.  I asked my husband if he could bring in the next load for me.

After he did, I asked ‘Hey, where did you disappear to earlier after dinner?’ He said ‘I was throwing the ball to Mara for about 20 minutes.’

This is Mara: IMG_5066 I had to laugh.

Amazingly, I wasn’t annoyed or anything.  Just laughed.  I thought ‘man…this guy…not bad.’

Then I thought, I need to disappear for 20 minutes and just go and throw the ball to Mara sometimes.  Stupid that I never think to just disappear.  I always seem to have something to do. Although, I think that if I disappeared for 20 minutes unannounced, all I would hear is this, real loud:

My husband gets away with his buddy at least once or twice a month to go fishing.  Down time.

For some reason it takes an act of Congress for me to get away with my friends.  We all mean well, and we talk about getting away.  Hell, we practically dream of getting away for a weekend.  We talk about where we want to go, what we want to eat, and the spa treatments we’d get.  But too often, our grandiose dreams end up just being that.

There have been times in my mothering life, that I have gotten away.  Vegas with my friends, drinking at the craps table at 11:00 am, so awesome!  Spa treatments and excellent food along the coast.  And hotel movie jammie days (the husbands just don’t get those ones, they think it’s a waste of getting away.  Whatever, they are heavenly.)

Few and far between though.  Way too few and far between.

For now though, if you can’t find me, I’ll be in the backyard throwing the ball to Mara.  With earphones on though.

Squeaky Wheel

I have found that I have no problem being the squeaky wheel when it comes to the safety and protection of my children and family. Other times, I often sit back, and let others be the squeaky wheel in circumstances where it is more of a matter of opinion or personal preference.

I have learned to make sure the situation is one of which I want to be tied to as stepping up for, and then I’ll go for it.

Knowing I don’t have to voice everything that can be voiced is a learned comfort that allows me to really choose to when to speak up.

The situations that matter most to me, where I feel I would regret not speaking up, is when I have no problem at all being the squeaky wheel.

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Imitrex fail!

‘Here are some samples of Imitrex. Take one as you feel a migraine coming on.’ Was what I was told by my doctor early in my migraine career. Up to that point, I had taken ibuprofen, and as it made a slight dent in the pain, I was hoping for bigger results.

Then came game day…

I was going to a good friends house to visit with her and let our kids play.  It was about a 30 minute drive.  As I pulled up to her house, my eyes began doing their kaleidoscope tricks.   Oh wait!  I have a pill that can help me!  I took the prescribed Imitrex.  Full migraine to follow 20 minutes later as the kaleidoscope eyes relieved themselves to leave me with an overall dull feeling.  Then, something that I hadn’t experienced yet in my migraine career, praying to the porcelain gods as I vomited in my good friends bathroom.

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Snapshot of that moment:  my two small children (didn’t have the third yet) running around with my friends’ two small kids, playing, my friend is watching the children, and I am puking in her downstairs bathroom.  (Can I say how happy I am that she had such a wonderfully clean home?  I don’t know how to express my appreciation for a clean toilet when puking in another’s bathroom.)

After I returned from the bathroom, I laid on the floor of the living room on my back.  Although the back of my head was on the floor, it felt like I was raising it up, my neck muscles were sore and tightened. Scared, and so thankful this was a good friend that I wasn’t embarrassed to be in front of during all this crap, I read the paperwork that came with Imitrex.

  • Vomiting, check.
  • Drowsiness to the point of barely able to keep my eyes open, check.
  • Tightened neck muscles, check.  See below more specific details of the tightened neck:

‘Chest/jaw/neck tightness can commonly occur soon after using sumatriptan. Only rarely are these signs of a serious condition. However, you may not be able to tell it apart from a serious reaction due to a lack of blood flow to the heart, brain, or other parts of the body.’  How nice.

Fast forward about an hour, and my husband was at my friends door to take our kids and I home.  I went straight to bed and stayed there until the next day.  I vividly remember telling my husband that I am happy to stick with ibuprofen as treatment for migraines for the rest of my life.

I am sure Imitrex and other drug treatments have thankfully been successful for many people.

I am the person that gets every random side effect with prescription drugs, including the antibiotics that were prescribed to me just last year that stated you may experience ‘psychotic episodes’.  How lovely, crawling out of my skin and not being able to sleep is a side effect to trying to get rid of bronchitis.  Lucky me.

I know my body is sensitive to prescription drugs, therefore I choose to be very careful before taking any.  I weigh out the side effects vs. benefits before I commit to taking anything, for fear of it negatively impacting my life.  This is why I felt it so necessary to try each and every thing I had ever read and learned about migraine relief and prevention before filling my Topamax prescription back in August of last year.

I am so thankful that up to this point it has not been necessary to fill that prescription.  I was literally sick reading through the possible side effects, preparing myself for all that were listed.    Although, that was the point I was at, the migraines had gotten so frequent and life impacting, the benefits of taking Topamax were winning the side effects battle of the two.  I don’t take for granted that my anti migraine potion has been successful for me.  And I’m not naive, there may be a day where I need to look at the benefits of another prescription that could overrule the possible side effects if my migraines were to change course or get worse again.

Here’s to having hope that I won’t need to fill prescriptions in the future with lists of side effects though!  Because I don’t know that I’ll keep getting invited over to friends houses if I continue to lay on their floor and puke when I arrive!

Did I used to be a better parent?

I recently told my husband that I feel like I used to be a much better parent than I am now.

I think back to when my kids were little, and I remember smiles, snuggling, making home made play dough, blowing bubbles outside, making cookies, reading stories, and having all day jammie days.  It seems like time moved so slowly back then, and that I was able to sit back and just soak it all in. Today, time moves so fast.  And as I spend much of that time in the drivers seat chauffeuring my kids to numerous events, practices, and games, I don’t know if I get that feeling of connection and soaking in the moment as often as it seems I did when they were small.

I think it’s maybe that I felt like a more successful parent when they were younger.  When they were little, it was not hard to make them happy, I had all the tools. These days, I can longer longer fix a grumpy kid by going for a drive until they fall asleep, so that they then wake up happy. Image

It seems like now I am the guard dog at times, and they are trying to break in.  And honestly, that is their job as they get older, to push and see where they can get to, in order to learn limits.  To walk that tight rope of independence, as I try and keep the net operational below.

My kids are great, I am very proud of them.  They are loving and wonderful, smart and caring.  But, I have a teenager, a pre teen, and a tween.  All those labels come with their own set of instructions and needs.

It isn’t necessarily easy with the ages that my kids are now.  I can’t really send them to time out for two minutes, or take away a Rescue Hero if there’s an issue.  I’m up against so much more than a tired toddler. The amount of why questions today are almost more than when they were little and asking their ‘why is the sky blue’ questions. Although now, it’s ‘Why can’t I?’ And, ‘Why not?’ I can’t always come up with clever crap that will pacify them anymore, it has to be real answers that make sense with my explanations.  And then, at times when I have nothing left, I resort back to ‘Because I said so.’

Image 1 When they were little, there was no checking out of real time and losing hours on the internet, it wasn’t available as it is today.  Now, I have to decide which apps are appropriate for my kids, how much time is acceptable to zone out on their devices, and hope (and check up) that they are following the rules. Social media apps and I don’t see eye to eye when it comes to my kids. I see many as invitations to problems. So, I say no to most.  And then comes the backlash of being the ‘only one‘ without (enter in the social media app of the week here) in the whole school.

Clothing is another issue.  I just can’t go for some of the things that young girls wear for my kids. It’s not enough that everyone is wearing them.

When I put my foot down and will not bend on some of these issues, the looks that are supported by what seems as disgust, (with no other word coming to mind to describe what I see in their eyes), can be hurtful.  Issues my kids face and bring up make me question myself with every cell in my body at times, but in the end, I’d be cheating myself if I went against my beliefs, and that would feel much worse than dealing with a disappointed child. Because once I cheat myself, it would be very easy to cheat again, and my kids would know me to be a cheater on my own morals and beliefs, in addition to being wishy washy and willing to change my mind.

This shit is hard. And it’s going to keep going. Continue reading

I’ll take 20 days for $100 please.

20 days migraine free feels like one hundred bucks.

200 days felt like a million bucks, see here:  200 days.  Boom!  Drop the mic.

And I completely understand that my math is not to scale, 2 hundred and 2 million are not accurately represented in my example of how the days feel.  It’s all good.

$100 is nothing to sneeze at.  If I found $100 on the ground, I’d be happy and smiling all day long.  Which is me now, 20 days of no migraines, I’m happy and smiling.

I’ll keep on aiming back towards that million bucks feeling, and hoping to avoid the feeling that I get on a day that a migraine comes, the feeling that my wallet just got stolen.

I’ll take the C-note today and smile as I take my feverfew, butterbur, B-2, and drink my green smoothie, my anti-migraine potion.

Hope to parlay it into bigger payoffs again soon!

Dear kids, a little Journey and old school rap in your ears will not kill you, I promise.

If you can, and have been known to play kick ass air drums to Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight”, this post is for you, read on.

When I have kids in my car, the music being played is primarily top 40 pop hits. I really like music, so it’s not hard for me to listen to current hits channels, and to know most of the line up.  Although, it’s also to stay in touch with what my kids are listening to, so they won’t be like I was growing up, and purchase and memorize 2 Live Crew’s “We want some…’ (you know the rest) without my parents having any idea.

Continue reading