Author: jkfrisk

A different kind of hard.

Age 46 is literally around the corner.  Like, a 15 day corner.

I’m just not feeling it though.  Not “I can’t handle turning 46.”  I’m truly not feeling 46.

Ok, ok, let’s be honest here.  Physically, I’m there at 46 if not and some.  I had to ask my husband to borrow his grocery store reading glasses yesterday to read because I couldn’t hold the book at an appropriate distance to see the words correctly, and I couldn’t find my grocery store reading glasses.  My hands feel like there is fire in my knuckles at times when my arthritis flares up.  And one of my kids told me my butt is flat two days ago.  Um, no it’s not.  That one I can’t handle.  I’m not going down like that.

Mentally and emotionally though?  I don’t feel old.  I know I’m not O-L-D, but I’m certainly old in younger circles opinions.  I was at work the other day at one of my care homes, and on the TV was on an old black and white movie.  The men were commenting on how a woman had gone down hill, and just let herself go, ‘but she was 45′ was the explanation the men gave.  Sigh.

Not feeling the 46 years in ways such as going to more concerts this summer than I have in the last 10 years combined.  I feel young and free at concerts.  I LOVE the loud music.  Grant it, one of the concerts will be Huey Lewis and the News, I won’t be rocking out, but I will be singing every word.  I’m balancing that show out with others where I will clearly be in the top 2% of the oldest people there by far.  Don’t care.  Don’t throw off my groove man.

I just signed up for a teaching credential 2 year college degree program last week.  My family witnessed me running around the house, laughing and happy singing “I’m going to college!”  I’m definitely not feeling my oncoming 46th year when I’m returning to college.  This is when I don’t feel old, because I feel like I still have a lot to give.  I’m not done yet.

Two years ago, I wrote The older I get…the more free I feel.  I vowed to make the rest of my life the best of my life.  I’ve been thrown some serious curve balls, and things haven’t gone quite as smoothly as planned since then, but always working on it.

My friends and I, while in the trenches of babies and toddlers, used to comment on how hard things were.  At that time, we also recognized that as hard as baby and toddler mom life was, teenager mom life would be a different kind of hard and tired.  Turned out to be a true story.  Rewarding and loving, but a different kind of hard.

A friend posted this article on her FB page today, it’s a long read, but I loved it.  Take the time and read it if you’re in the 40 somethings and in a not feeling it yet place like me!  Appreciate the things that the 40’s have brought.  There are many.  The post was touching and also super funny.  The fact that I have yet to step foot on our trampoline that has been in the backyard for the past couple of months directly related to the author stating getting on the trampoline would result in 3 chiropractor visits the following week!

Here is the article, make sure to check it out:  Her View From Home, This Stage of Life?  It’s Hard Too.  It’s good!

Bring it on 46!

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Sorry, not sorry.

At the beginning of next school year, I’m going to implement an optional monthly mental health day for each of my children.

A day to recharge, rest, or catch up if they need it.

This will be a day that they can choose, and I will not question.  The same theory as when a child calls and needs a ride home because no one is sober, you pick them up, no questions asked.

A mental heath day in my opinion is about safety, just as is the call to pick them up, no questions asked.  It’s about promoting safety from stress, anxiety, and possible depression that can come from today’s school expectations.

I understand the other side of the  coin is schools not getting their ADA money on a day that I allow my kids to check out for a mental health day.  I’m sorry about that.  But I’m really not.  My kids give it their all, they put up amazing grade point averages.  I got straight A’s on one report card in 5th grade.  I don’t know where these three kids of mine came from, but they have a drive to succeed in school, and the numbers to back up allowing them to take one day a month if they need it.

I’ve read many articles recently about the anxiety and stress that school and homework can cause.  To be very clear, I fully support my kids teachers.  They have been amazing components in my children’s growth.  In no way are my feelings of frustration over the stress that school can induce directed at them.  I personally feel that the standards that are expected, and the workloads that come home are unrealistic and squeeze out many opportunities to live life outside of school.

So, in order to promote peace of mind in my children, I will give them a day in their back pocket to use if they are feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or just plain exhausted.

If one day can help to create a calm effect and a sense of support, I’m all in.

I was so close!!!

Oh man. So close to going one year without having a migraine. I was so looking forward to that milestone.

May 5, 2016 – March 29, 2017

Not a bad run. But my head hurts so I’m not celebrating that length of time gone without a migraine right now. I will soon. 

I will also lay off the Easter chocolate, which could have been a trigger. Or a plethora of other possible triggers. 

Day 1 of a new streak starts tomorrow.

57 days and feeling cocky.

In 57 days, it will have been one year to the date since I’ve had a migraine.

Cinco de Mayo to be exact.  So, I’m planning on celebrating with a Corona.  Or maybe more than one if I’m feeling it.

I’m feeling cocky about being amongst the “non-migrainers” for almost a year now.

I would be more surprised to have a migraine now, than the surprise and wonderment I felt back in the days when I was celebrating a 49 day, even a 20 day or 11 day non-migraine streak.

I’m still rocking the daily anti-migraine smoothie.  Still taking my arsenal of supplements daily.  And I’m still not sure what makes the migraines stay away.  Especially after I continue to have migraine triggers in my life daily.

With that said, still feeling cocky and looking forward to posting a picture of that Corona on Cinco de Mayo, 2017.  May enjoy a green beer in addition to my green smoothie in the meantime, but looking forward to how sweet that victory beer will taste.

Cheers.

Too soon T-Mobile fees lice ad, too soon!

This commercial came on the other night, and the whole family cringed:

 

It isn’t a coincidence that lice is a 4 letter word.  It is the worst non life threatening thing ever!

Please feel free to laugh at my full lice account from March of 2015:

Lice is Evil

Happy Migraine New Year!

Only one migraine in 2016.

One in 365 days, compared to 2 a week, resulting in being affected 4-5 days in a week when I first started this blog!

That’s definitely something good to log on the pros side of the list of 2016.

Still not sure what is working, the anti-migraine smoothie every day, the supplements, or something different.  But please just keep doing what you’re doing!

Happy New Year everyone!  And Happy Migraine New Year!  I hope it’s an even better migraine year that last year!

Celebrating day 201

201 days since my last migraine.  And before that, there had been a 240 day streak between migraines.

Not bad stats, not bad at all.  I’m almost getting to a point of being cocky.  My husband and I went out to dinner last week, it had been 21 years to the day that we had met.  Crazy.  As we were walking up to the restaurant, he said he had remembered going there together once before.  I quickly replied with my memory of getting a migraine when we had gone there together years before.  I then said “not today though, I won’t get a migraine.”  Call that The Secret type of thinking, but I honestly believed, no migraines for me man.  Not happening.

So, I’ll call it a 201 day celebration today when I go and try rock climbing for the first time! Sometimes you’re put in the right place at the right time.  I started talking to someone at a Halloween party a few weeks ago, and found out she was heavily into rock climbing.  I told her I’d always wanted to try it.  By the time I left the party, I had her phone number with a promise to text her to set up a date to meet because “now is the time for me to try this!”

Definite bucket list item.  Just thought it would have been 20 years ago, rather than starting something new at 45 years old.  But, bucket list it is.  Who knows where this may lead.  Excited and nervous at the same time!

So, I’ll be sipping on my anti-migraine smoothie after taking my supplements this morning, thankful that I’m counting day 201 as a huge success in this migraine battle, with a cocky attitude!

Rock on.

Oh. My. Gosh.

So, this just arrived in the mail this afternoon:

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Oh. My. Gosh.  The only thing that came to mind, is something that I am 99.9% certain that I’ve never said, and that I’ve even made fun of before:

I can’t even.

Because, I honestly couldn’t even.  I couldn’t wait to open it up and see what awaited me with such a fantastic cover!  It’s only got to be more crazy inside right?

Oh ya.

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No way.

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It just kept getting better!

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As unique as the love we share.  Wow.

I can not wait until Christmas morning!  (The sarcasm is strong with this one.)

This just made my day.  It goes hand in hand with these past posts.  Enjoy!

My husband is my best friend…NOT!

Best friend/wedding ring.  Yuck!

 

My Eyes!!! I can’t ever unsee some of that!

I have a gift/curse of seeing everything around me it seems.

I am known as the OSHA supervisor of my family.  I am always looking at what could go wrong with any situation, and I try to avoid the risks.  Our friends joke that I don’t let my kids eat with forks due to the danger.  I joked with them last week that we’ve moved onto sporks, but the weak almost bendable type!

I attribute my noticing everything partially to just who I am, and partially from risk management classes during college.  Always be aware of what could go wrong, and prepare for it.

This has led me to constantly have my eyes open and scan the area, and unfortunately for me, often times I just can’t ever erase some of what I see once I’ve seen it.  Here are four examples that come to mind right away:

1. Woman defecating in the parking lot in front of Toys R Us.

This past Saturday, I was working, and in between visits to care homes, I stopped at Michaels to pick up some more supplies and to eat my lunch while sitting in my car in the parking lot.  As I was pulling into the shopping center parking lot, I noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk that was walking unsteady, and was overall disheveled.  As I parked my car and started eating my lunch, I noticed the woman had turned into the parking lot.  As I stared out of my front window blankly letting my mind wander, I noticed her stop in a row that had dirt on the inside, pull down her pants, squat, and start going to the bathroom.  At this point, my head went back and forth, scanning the area to see if there was ANYONE ELSE that was seeing this!

 

CARS DROVE BY HER!  I watched the drivers, no one seemed to pay much attention to the woman squatted and pooping 2 feet from where their car was driving by!!!  I scanned my eyes more, and noticed a security guard, shooting the breeze while smoking with another guy, and it just so happened he was sitting on a shopping cart rail where a van was blocking his view of the woman pooping about 100 feet from him.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  She got up, pulled up her pants, and carried on.  It was like I was getting Punked.  It was also clearly not her first time doing this, because she didn’t miss a beat.  Needless to say, my grocery store sushi roll did not get eaten.

I HAD to make this to show how it really went down:

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2. Guy tying off his arm in two places whereas what I would assume to be in order to shoot up.

Thankfully, sometimes others see the things that I notice too.  Although, it would have been nice if not everyone in the car would have seen this episode.  Driving home from camping last week through a small farming town near the coast, right on the corner of a highway, no one else around, there was a man using his teeth and spare hand to tighten up a second elastic tourniquet on his right arm.  My husband and I both gave each other this look:

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Then the questions came from the 3 kids in the backseat.  Lovely conversation that I never thought I’d have to have, about something I never expected to see.

3. Older man’s pre-batting softball ritual.

Again, I was very thankful that this next one was witnessed by another person.  A friend who I will be able to text throughout life without needing much explanation as a description of this event.  Our husbands play on a softball team together.  A player from the other team got up to bat, approached the plate, and put the bat between his legs, and motioned it back and forth about 7 times before assuming his batting stance.

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But, let’s just say, to be putting it very mildly, it was not A Rod that we were watching. And, it was not raining, nor wet outside.  It was about 95 degrees and very dry.

4. Vomit at Disneyland’s World of Color show.

A few years back, when Disneyland’s World of Color outside water light show was new, we took the kids to see it as a last event of a very long day.  The show started, and due to my love for fireworks and the like, I was super excited.  Then, it happened.  Someone about 5 feet behind me, in the middle of the walkway threw up.  What happened next was mesmerizing.  Within about 60 seconds, a Disneyland worker with a briefcase showed up.  He took out a special package, unwrapped it and put on the gloves that were inside.  Next, he unwrapped a special paper towel set and scooped up the mess, and placed it into a zipped container.  Throughout this process, I swear I had the Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes factory song playing in my head:

He then got out a sprayer, and sprayed the ground, wiped it up with another special towel that he had unwrapped, and quickly shut his briefcase.  And just like that, he was gone.  I had my head rubbernecked behind me watching the detailed way that vomit was cleaned up at Disneyland for 5 minutes of the show.  I can’t tell you what songs played during the show, or what was projected up onto the shooting water.  But, I can tell you in detail the vomit clean up process.  I looked around often to see if anyone else was watching with me.  I even commented to my husband a few times, to which he clearly believed I was crazy to be so interested about the vomit clean up committee.

This is a very short list of the type of things I notice on an almost daily basis.  It’s a gift and a curse to see so many things that others may not.  And even though it’s most likely due to me being nervous and anxious that I am constantly casing my surroundings, at least I have some good stories!

Patronizing intimidation.

My phone call was made to the person that held the answers, to the person that I looked to for assistance.

Ten months ago I called 911 from my cell phone to report someone walking on the freeway in dark clothes while it was dark out.  I was afraid the person would get hit by a car.  Two weeks ago I got a call from the Public Defender asking me about this call (seriously?) because the person that I was worried for and called about, when picked up, was issued a DUI.  My 911 call was to be used as evidence, and me as a witness for his client.  I explained that’s all I know, I do not with to be involved any further.

A week ago I was subpoenaed to show up for the trial.  3 messages to the attorney, one letter hand delivered to his office by me, and one email later explaining I’m on vacation when I was asked to be there, no reply.  Funny, he called right back when I first called him when he wanted something.

My subpoena states:  “DISOBEDIENCE OF THIS SUBPOENA MAY BE PUNISHED BY A FINE, IMPRISONMENT, OR BOTH.  A WARRANT MAY ISSUE FOR YOUR ARREST IF YOU FAIL TO APPEAR.’  Ya, not something I’m used to dealing with to say the least.

Yesterday I called the contact that was given to me when I visited the office ‘in case the attorney doesn’t call you back.’  I was hopeful as we began to speak that she may help me, and give me direction.  That hope very quickly dissolved.  As I began to explain my situation, she stopped me.  She stated things such as “that’s how it is.” or “if you do not show up, the judge will issue a warrant for your arrest, it doesn’t matter that you don’t want to be there”, or “that’s how the system works, you have to know this.”  She went on to tell me that if I cooperated (She must have used the word cooperated 15 times, no lie.  I felt like I was on Sesame Street or something.) with my attorney that there may be a chance that he’d let me off for that day since they would be picking a jury, and then just call me for when I’m needed.  What?  I am obviously naive to court proceedings, I never thought it may be for more than that initial day that I was called upon.

As our conversation continued, and as I tried to get a word in edgewise to try and get guidance on what I am supposed to do, it happened.  I heard my voice crack, and a tear or two came.  That point where you are so frustrated, and so angry, and no one is helping you, and tears come.  I was mad at myself, but whatever, I couldn’t help it at this point.  I don’t need this shit in my life.  As I continued to talk with this person, she began to berate me.  “Why are you crying?”  “I don’t understand why you are crying?”  I continued to talk, almost dizzy from trying to process the mean, bullying tone that she carried out her words in.  “What are you crying for?” “Are you crying?” Finally, my mind caught up to my body, and I said, “Stop patronizing me!  You are very offensive.”  She backed off a bit, but in this 10 minute phone call (checked my phone on that one), she was never in the realm of friendly or helpful, or even just neutral.

I pictured her sitting with the attorney that subpoenaed me that wouldn’t return my phone calls next to her while bullying me on the phone, giggling silently.  That’s what it felt like.  And then when I stood up for myself, it didn’t seem as fun to her anymore.  I have never in my life been in a conversation like that, let alone in what is supposed to be in a professional setting.

I was so incredibly pissed when I got off the phone.  About an hour later, I wrote an email to her, stating she doesn’t know me, nor why missing my vacation with my family would be so important to me.  That I didn’t know her and who she must deal with every day.  But that the way she talked to me was disrespectful and patronizing and I was offended.  Before I pushed send, my husband brought up what if by sending that she makes this situation even harder for me.  Good point.

So, instead, I called my oldest friend, and we had a laugh fest, talking about this person that we will never meet, and all the horrible things that we’d say to her if we ever did.  All imaginary of course, but it was fun, and provided some laughter therapy that was desperately needed.

And then I came to write it here.  To get it out of my head, because it’s eaten me up and exhausted me since yesterday.  Which may be a partial reason that I left the keys in the ignition and locked my car when walking into the grocery store on my way home from working last night.  Good Lord.

Amazing how appropriate this post I made the night before this horrible conversation is:

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Make that 4 separate incidents over the past week now.

It’s too bad that people can’t remind themselves that the way they treat people, and the words they say really do matter.  I’m not a hard criminal that this person may be used to talking to.  I’m not a dumb little air headed woman though either.  Nor am I weak.  I was looking for assistance, guidance, and direction from a professional in a situation that I have no experience in, and instead I got patronized and bullied.  Won’t happen again.