humor

Too soon T-Mobile fees lice ad, too soon!

This commercial came on the other night, and the whole family cringed:

 

It isn’t a coincidence that lice is a 4 letter word.  It is the worst non life threatening thing ever!

Please feel free to laugh at my full lice account from March of 2015:

Lice is Evil

Oh. My. Gosh.

So, this just arrived in the mail this afternoon:

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Oh. My. Gosh.  The only thing that came to mind, is something that I am 99.9% certain that I’ve never said, and that I’ve even made fun of before:

I can’t even.

Because, I honestly couldn’t even.  I couldn’t wait to open it up and see what awaited me with such a fantastic cover!  It’s only got to be more crazy inside right?

Oh ya.

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No way.

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It just kept getting better!

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As unique as the love we share.  Wow.

I can not wait until Christmas morning!  (The sarcasm is strong with this one.)

This just made my day.  It goes hand in hand with these past posts.  Enjoy!

My husband is my best friend…NOT!

Best friend/wedding ring.  Yuck!

 

My Eyes!!! I can’t ever unsee some of that!

I have a gift/curse of seeing everything around me it seems.

I am known as the OSHA supervisor of my family.  I am always looking at what could go wrong with any situation, and I try to avoid the risks.  Our friends joke that I don’t let my kids eat with forks due to the danger.  I joked with them last week that we’ve moved onto sporks, but the weak almost bendable type!

I attribute my noticing everything partially to just who I am, and partially from risk management classes during college.  Always be aware of what could go wrong, and prepare for it.

This has led me to constantly have my eyes open and scan the area, and unfortunately for me, often times I just can’t ever erase some of what I see once I’ve seen it.  Here are four examples that come to mind right away:

1. Woman defecating in the parking lot in front of Toys R Us.

This past Saturday, I was working, and in between visits to care homes, I stopped at Michaels to pick up some more supplies and to eat my lunch while sitting in my car in the parking lot.  As I was pulling into the shopping center parking lot, I noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk that was walking unsteady, and was overall disheveled.  As I parked my car and started eating my lunch, I noticed the woman had turned into the parking lot.  As I stared out of my front window blankly letting my mind wander, I noticed her stop in a row that had dirt on the inside, pull down her pants, squat, and start going to the bathroom.  At this point, my head went back and forth, scanning the area to see if there was ANYONE ELSE that was seeing this!

 

CARS DROVE BY HER!  I watched the drivers, no one seemed to pay much attention to the woman squatted and pooping 2 feet from where their car was driving by!!!  I scanned my eyes more, and noticed a security guard, shooting the breeze while smoking with another guy, and it just so happened he was sitting on a shopping cart rail where a van was blocking his view of the woman pooping about 100 feet from him.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  She got up, pulled up her pants, and carried on.  It was like I was getting Punked.  It was also clearly not her first time doing this, because she didn’t miss a beat.  Needless to say, my grocery store sushi roll did not get eaten.

I HAD to make this to show how it really went down:

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2. Guy tying off his arm in two places whereas what I would assume to be in order to shoot up.

Thankfully, sometimes others see the things that I notice too.  Although, it would have been nice if not everyone in the car would have seen this episode.  Driving home from camping last week through a small farming town near the coast, right on the corner of a highway, no one else around, there was a man using his teeth and spare hand to tighten up a second elastic tourniquet on his right arm.  My husband and I both gave each other this look:

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Then the questions came from the 3 kids in the backseat.  Lovely conversation that I never thought I’d have to have, about something I never expected to see.

3. Older man’s pre-batting softball ritual.

Again, I was very thankful that this next one was witnessed by another person.  A friend who I will be able to text throughout life without needing much explanation as a description of this event.  Our husbands play on a softball team together.  A player from the other team got up to bat, approached the plate, and put the bat between his legs, and motioned it back and forth about 7 times before assuming his batting stance.

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But, let’s just say, to be putting it very mildly, it was not A Rod that we were watching. And, it was not raining, nor wet outside.  It was about 95 degrees and very dry.

4. Vomit at Disneyland’s World of Color show.

A few years back, when Disneyland’s World of Color outside water light show was new, we took the kids to see it as a last event of a very long day.  The show started, and due to my love for fireworks and the like, I was super excited.  Then, it happened.  Someone about 5 feet behind me, in the middle of the walkway threw up.  What happened next was mesmerizing.  Within about 60 seconds, a Disneyland worker with a briefcase showed up.  He took out a special package, unwrapped it and put on the gloves that were inside.  Next, he unwrapped a special paper towel set and scooped up the mess, and placed it into a zipped container.  Throughout this process, I swear I had the Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes factory song playing in my head:

He then got out a sprayer, and sprayed the ground, wiped it up with another special towel that he had unwrapped, and quickly shut his briefcase.  And just like that, he was gone.  I had my head rubbernecked behind me watching the detailed way that vomit was cleaned up at Disneyland for 5 minutes of the show.  I can’t tell you what songs played during the show, or what was projected up onto the shooting water.  But, I can tell you in detail the vomit clean up process.  I looked around often to see if anyone else was watching with me.  I even commented to my husband a few times, to which he clearly believed I was crazy to be so interested about the vomit clean up committee.

This is a very short list of the type of things I notice on an almost daily basis.  It’s a gift and a curse to see so many things that others may not.  And even though it’s most likely due to me being nervous and anxious that I am constantly casing my surroundings, at least I have some good stories!

An ode to See’s Candy

Happy birthday Mrs. See! 🙂

You can't argue with crazy

I am officially proclaiming my love for See’s Candy, right here on the information superhighway, the world wide web.

I love See’s Candy.

A lot.

I like all but the chocolate covered cherry one, and the pineapple one is not my favorite either (although I have been known to pick off the chocolate and eat that part if it is the only one left).  I am even happy when at the end of a box of Nuts and Chews, all I have left is the chocolate covered peanuts.

See’s Candy to me represents holidays.  As a kid, it was exciting when when people visited and brought See’s (usually older uncles and aunts).  It was like ‘oh look, they brought See’s!‘  Not that See’s equaled that they were rich, but it was more like a statement.  A statement of I’m bringing a quality food item that can be doubled as…

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I am one step up from jammie bottoms.

I was so excited tonight that I’m cold enough to wear warm jammies! Jammies are one of my favorite things! Made me think of this post from a while back…
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You can't argue with crazy

About a year ago, I was walking my kids into school and I heard shuffling/scraping of feet.  One of my least favorite sounds in the world.  I must tell my middle child to ‘pick up your feet’ at least 4 times a week.  As I looked to see who the culprit was, my eyes discovered it was a parent, shuffling her slippers across the sidewalk, her slippers accompanied by her jammies and jacket.  OH COME ON!!!!!!

I love jammies.  My family knows that, friends know that.  If I have nowhere to be, I’m wearing jammies, into the home office to do work, around the house to cook, clean and do laundry.  I loved when the kids were little and they didn’t have schedules yet, we would have jammie days all the time!  The warmer the jammies, the better.  Over the years, my kids have gotten me Spongebob jammies, Eeyore jammies…

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I am winning my migraine battle. No, for real, I am!

I have had one migraine in the past year.

Let me repeat that.

I have had ONE migraine in the past year.

If I would have written this yesterday, the number would have been two.  So, I was patiently waiting out yesterday, so I could say those awesome words of one migraine in the past year.

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I had one on September 7, 2015, following a fun, partying weekend which I believe the migraine was the payment for the fun.  See here.

And I had one on Cinco de Mayo of this year.  See here.

I have no special secret sauce, no explanation for this.

In terms of typical migraine triggers, I’ve had above my fair share.  My stress level for a large portion of 2016 reached levels that I don’t believe I’ve seen before.  That resulted in lack of sleep, lots of wine, chocolate, and definitely not eating as healthy as I have in past years, yet a decrease in migraines.

So, what’s working for me?  The constant continues to be my daily anti-migraine smoothies, Butterbur with feverfew, and B-2.  Same as the year prior where I had 9, and the year before that was my most migraines logged at 23.  The year of 23 resulted in having multiple migraines per week.  Each of my migraines last from start to finish: three days.  So, you can see why having one in the past year, that’s pretty freaking awesome.

Maybe I’ve grown out of them.  Maybe the lovely hormones that have come with me in my mid 40’s have assisted with keeping my migraines at bay.  If so, I’m hoping those same hormones aren’t resting me up for some huge whopper of new crap in the future. Trying not to let myself get too anxious with that though.

My second birthday of my little blog here just passed yesterday.  It’s definitely become somewhere that when I’m not writing about migraines, I’m expressing everything from my love of my cat litter box, to challenges with my kids, Pokemon GO, and a plethora of other stuff that no longer takes space up in my head once I write about it and click “post.”

Thanks for all the support I’ve been given over these past years!  I’ve loved it, and I really appreciate when some of my words strike a chord and relate with others!  Hope I’ve even gotten you to laugh a time or two! 🙂

Over the past two years, I’ve written 127 posts, and as a combination, those posts have been viewed 7,764 times.  That’s wild man.

Here are the top five posts viewed over the past two years:

  1. Thoughts on my 17th wedding anniversary…
  2. My husband is my best friend…NOT
  3. 3 tough questions my kids asked me over the weekend.
  4. Our children’s reality, uncomfortably numb.
  5. Atta-Boy Migraine!!!

And the one that started it all:

‘Winning’ (Charlie Sheen reference of course) the endless game of migraines (for this quarter at least)

One migraine in the past year.  I am definitely winning!

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The day I called our chickens A-Holes

Last Tuesday I called two of our four chickens A-Holes.  I’m certain I said the real word, but I’m keeping this family friendly.

A-Hole #1, Goldilocks

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A-Hole #2, Blackjack

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Now, this isn’t normal behavior, me calling my chickens names, so let me explain…

The prior Sunday, I went to let the chickens out of their Taj Mahal chicken coop, and my white one, Foggy (Full name Foghorn, because she’s a Leghorn type chicken.  How could we not name her that?)

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Anyhow, when I opened up the coop door, Foghorn, who is white, had blood covering her head and parts of her body.  Scared me to death.  When I tried to clean her up, the only thing I could determine is that I had thought the blood was coming from her comb (the red thing on top of her head.)  I left her in the coop alone because it’s possible that she was picked on by the others and they did the damage.  About an hour later, she was not doing well.  I picked her up and brought her inside of the office and put her in the sink and gave her a cool bath.  I have never given a chicken a bath.  I have no chicken medical experience, but it was over 100 degrees out, and she didn’t seem good.

My husband came home to a pretty much non responsive chicken inside a cat carrier, in our office with the A/C on.  He’s usually pretty grossed out by animals inside, but I think he knew, this being our most friendly and sweet chicken, who “talks” to us each time we talk to her, she needed to be taken care of the best way possible.  I wasn’t sure if she was going to make it.  The only way we described her was to say she was “beak down.”  Couldn’t lift her head, and couldn’t stand.  I gave her water out of my hand repeatedly through that evening.  The next morning, as I was apprehensive to check on her, she was standing, and then eating, and talking to us.  Crazy!  I put her in with our goats so that she wasn’t with the other chickens in case they were the culprits in this whole injury to start with.

There’s the backstory, on to the A-Holes…

On Tuesday, I was rushing to get all animals situated so I could leave for 2 nights to go away with my husband, with no kids.  (Sidenote:  it’s been 8 years since we have been gone without kids for 2 nights.)

As I was rounding up the chickens to put them inside their coop so I could leave, A-Hole #1 began hanging around the goat pen checking out Foggy through the fence posts with WAY too much interest.  So, as I picked her up and carried her to the coop, I told her (out loud) “Stop being an A-Hole, leave Foggy alone.”

When I went to close the chicken coop door, I realized only 2 of the 3 that should be in there were standing there looking at me.

The 3rd?

Over this fence in a neighbors yard.

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Did I mention I was trying to get on the road to get away for 2 nights?  I was already 1/2 hour later than I had wanted to leave, with no leaving in quick sight.

So, there I was, trying to call this chicken, entice it with treats, everything I could think of, and I reluctantly realized, there was no other option than to hop that damn fence.

When one of the chickens has gotten into this neighbors yard in the past, I have gotten one of the kids to climb the ladder, get over the fence, pick up the chicken, and climb back up the cross boards up and over the fence to put this chicken back on the right side of the fence.  We have no idea how these chickens pull their Houdini moves to get to the other side of the fence, so we don’t know any other way of getting them back.

No kids were here last Tuesday though.  My 45 year old self had to hop the fence, get in the other people’s yard, pick up the chicken, and climb the fence back over.  As I was straddling the top of the fence with the chicken in my arms, one leg on each side of the fence, I told Blackjack (out loud), “You’re an A-Hole.”  Then brought her to the safety of her coop.

This below is the reason why the chickens are no longer free to roam the yard whenever they want and have to be put in the coop sometimes:

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This guy.  Cooper.  Our 4 month old pup.  He’s fond of chasing the chickens and then giving their feathers “kisses,” for lack of a better description.

These two savage beasts that we have could care less about the chickens:

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Mara and Zoe, looking as fierce as ever.  You can read more about them here:  For the love of dogs.

Anyhow, happy ending, Foggy is doing great.  Still hanging out with the goats for a while longer while she completely heals.  And the others aren’t acting like A-Holes for now.

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And that, my friends, is definitely an example of “other tidbits of my life,” as explained in my blog’s title:

You can’t argue with crazy

Migraines suck, and other tidbits of my life!

Barely holding on to day 233…

A few times this last week, I’ve hit the panic button.

I felt a little dizzy, a little off, and then the panic dialog started inside my head:

“Oh no, this is it.  This is where the streak ends.  It was a good streak.  It will be ok.  What do I have going on the rest of the today…tomorrow?  I can handle it if it comes.”

Then, thankfully nothing.

Battling though.  Battling.

The weather.  What. The. Heck.

Rain one day.  Sunshine the next.  Thunder and lightening the next.  Then wind like the house is going to blow away.

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Weather is said to be a migraine trigger.

Honestly, at this point, just throw anything out there, it can be a migraine trigger.

Chocolate?  Trigger.  Wine?  Trigger.  Weather?  Trigger.  Dinosaurs?  Trigger.  Roller coaster?  Trigger.  Looking through a window?  Trigger.  Grocery shopping?  Trigger.

Obviously, sarcasm is involved, yet, if you google anything and migraine trigger, I’m sure it will be found somewhere.  Migraines are not choosy.

That leads me to my anxiety induced panic filled web search and phone calls of this afternoon following a regular visit to my natural foods store where I get the arsenal of my anti-migraine potion.

When I went to purchase Butterbur, they were out.  Not only out, but not sure when they will be getting any more in.  Apparently, there is a problem with the butterbur crop or something?  What the what??!!  Ok, how about Feverfew?  Nope, out of that too.

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Looked online, found my brand easily on a website….out of stock/backorder.

Called around and found a store that carried Butterbur about 15 miles from me.  I’ll be going to pick it up tomorrow.  I’m nervous if it is a different brand.  I’m certainly a creature of habit, and I don’t need any slight change to create a reaction in me.  But more important, I don’t want anything to change in my anti-migraine potion, along with my daily anti-migraine smoothie.  Because 233 days migraine free is amazing.  And I’m not sure which cog of this machine is making it work, but I’m not going to screw any of it up.

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Can’t wait to spend my $800,000

Dear Mr. Song Soo Shin,

I can not believe my good fortune in being able to collect $800,000.  All I need to do is give you any form of my identification, for example:  my international passport or my “driver license”, my telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.  And “more also” my mailing address where this Draft will be delivered?  My gosh, don’t forget, you probably need my social security number also don’t you?  I’m certain this would make it even easier for you to deliver these funds.

Just to clarify, you need me to “hasten up and pick this Fund?”  I’m not too sure what that means, but ok.  I’m sure that once you get all of my personal information, possibly the blood of my firstborn as well, that will all be worked out.

I can not believe that this is my last chance to cash in on this amazing opportunity.  I have no idea why your past emails have gone unanswered by me.  I feel so bad for wasting your time previously.  I so apologize for that, and am unmeasurably appreciative that you sent me one last email.

Thank you Mr. Song Soo Shin, I can not wait to tell my family that we get to book a 2 week trip to Hawaii, buy new cars for everyone, and get those ponies that my daughters have always wanted.  Followed by a big fat addition on our home so my kids don’t have to share a room any longer.  Truly Mr. Song Soo Shin, I have you to thank for future decreased fighting between siblings in this house.

Getting my personal identification records ready to forward you now….

 

 

 

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Wasps are horrible.

I have googled what good wasps do in the world.  I haven’t come up with anything worthwhile yet.

I do have some things to list on the horrible things that wasps contribute to the world.  Stings.  Really painful stings.  Stings that lead to allergic reactions.  Wasps suck.

My son literally ran across a wasp nest when he was about 8, resulting in multiple stings, and a humongous, worthwhile fear of wasps.

And then, as a family, two years ago we had a wasp incident that was so epic, that my children drew pictures of it, and talked about it for a very long time.

It was a Sunday in August, beautiful, warm day.  We decided to take the kayaks out for a couple hours on a nearby slow river, let the kids swim a bit, just enjoy the day.  2 parents, 3 kids, 2 dogs.  What could go wrong?

We launched at a spot that we hadn’t in the past, crowded, random dogs running without leashes, their owners not caring…this may have set the tone for the rest of the day if I had paid attention.  Thing is, we had our dogs with us too.  On leashes.  This was the first time we were going to take the dogs with us on kayaks.  I pictured all the cute photos I’d seen of dogs calmly sitting on their owners kayaks, smiling as they got to be paddled around.

Not our dogs.  Instantly jumping from the kayaks, nearly capsizing us, wanting to swim along side the boat.  Sigh.  We finally wrangled the two dogs, got them onto separate kayaks, and sat them between our legs to keep them still.  Such a lovely, calm first five minutes of our outing.

About 15 minutes into out peaceful float, everyone was boiling hot (including me with my frustration of this not being at all relaxing so far), we began to look for a nice spot to stop and take a swim.  The right side of the bank was labeled ‘Private Property, do not enter’, so we looked to the left.  A beautiful spot under a big tree, totally shaded with a narrow sandy beach, perfect.  The dogs were thrilled, began exploring the area right away between dips in the water.  My husband was beginning to relax, as was I standing in the cool water.  My oldest stayed in his kayak floating, and my two girls began to get wet in the water.

Then all hell broke loose.

My husband said ‘I just got stung!’  Just then, I had something fly between my sunglasses and my eye, I dropped my glasses into the water, and looked up to see tons of wasps flying around us.  I got stung on my left wrist, screamed and went under the water thinking that would make it get off me.  Nope, those bastards just keep on repeatedly stinging.  By then, I had a second one on my arm, was screaming like a lunatic, and quickly grabbed them and plucked them off of me.  Amongst all this nasty craziness, we as parents, yelled at the kids to get on their kayaks and start moving out quickly.  I remember clearly looking into the center of the water as my son had his littlest sister on the back of his kayak, both of them staring at me crying as they saw me screaming in pain.  Looking back, I wish I could say I held it together.  I didn’t, not at all.  I was scared, and it really hurt badly.    As we began to follow their kayaks in ours, I have to laugh now thinking of the sight we must have been.  One kayak with my son paddling, my littlest sitting on the back, my middle daughter paddling behind them, both dogs swimming behind them, and then our two kayaks bringing up the back.

As I began to calm, and things settled as we were paddling back, my middle daughter said ‘mom, you have one on your back.’  I asked her to paddle up to me and take her paddle and swipe it off.  She did with ninja like precision.  Overall, I got stung 5 times.  My husband, 3.  My kids, none.  So thankful for that none.

We did not talk too much on the way back, just paddled quickly.  I began itching.  Crazy itching on my head, under my arms.  My nose got a little stuffy.

We packed those kayaks up in record time and headed home.

I went straight into the bathroom to look in the mirror once we got into our house.  There were welts up and down my arms, under my arms and spreading onto my shoulders.  I calmly broke the news to my husband that we needed to head to the ER, and my youngest looked at me with tears in her eyes and said ‘are you going to die mom?’  I’m so thankful that I had my right mind with me after initially losing it when I got stung.  I assured her that I would be fine, gave her the needed amount of love to make sure she believed me, brought my kids to my neighbors who were thankfully home and off to the ER we went.

The hives and swelling weren’t the thing that got me seen right away once we got to the overcrowded ER, it was that my nose had gotten stuffed up after being stung.  Lots of drugs through the IV got me back on my feet, and some Benedryl handed to my husband for his sting got us headed back home after many hours.

I think it’s safe to say that I hate Prednisone.  I could probably get side effects from Tylenol if that is possible, so to put my body on Prednisone, that was evil.  Not as evil as being away the next weekend when I got to stop taking it, only to be woken up by what I would assume is most like going through drug withdrawals.  Come to find out, the pacing around the room, and feeling like I was coming out of my skin, or about to have a heart attack was the result of the prescribing doctor not tapering off the Prednisone, rather cutting me off of a high dose cold turkey.  Got a couple of Ativan out of it though, still sitting in my cabinet in case it’s ever needed.  The doctor thought I may need a little edge taken off.

Wasps to me so far =

  • Watching my then 8 year old son suffer in tons of pain, to be followed with a fear of anything flying by him in future years.
  • Painful little jerks that just keep stinging until you pluck them off of you.
  • ER visit worthy.
  • A need to carry an Epi-Pen with me always now.  (The ER doctor said that future stings could bring exponential symptoms that may differ than what was had on that day.)
  • A drug withdrawal experience leaving me to feel like a strung out junkie.
  • Making me absolutely lose my mind and freak out rather than pull my s**t together and stay strong for my kids, resulting in them being scared to death.

Wasps suck so much.  And they are everywhere around my house during the summer.

Mike Rowe posted this on his FB page, it is perfect:

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