humor

A different kind of hard.

Age 46 is literally around the corner.  Like, a 15 day corner.

I’m just not feeling it though.  Not “I can’t handle turning 46.”  I’m truly not feeling 46.

Ok, ok, let’s be honest here.  Physically, I’m there at 46 if not and some.  I had to ask my husband to borrow his grocery store reading glasses yesterday to read because I couldn’t hold the book at an appropriate distance to see the words correctly, and I couldn’t find my grocery store reading glasses.  My hands feel like there is fire in my knuckles at times when my arthritis flares up.  And one of my kids told me my butt is flat two days ago.  Um, no it’s not.  That one I can’t handle.  I’m not going down like that.

Mentally and emotionally though?  I don’t feel old.  I know I’m not O-L-D, but I’m certainly old in younger circles opinions.  I was at work the other day at one of my care homes, and on the TV was on an old black and white movie.  The men were commenting on how a woman had gone down hill, and just let herself go, ‘but she was 45′ was the explanation the men gave.  Sigh.

Not feeling the 46 years in ways such as going to more concerts this summer than I have in the last 10 years combined.  I feel young and free at concerts.  I LOVE the loud music.  Grant it, one of the concerts will be Huey Lewis and the News, I won’t be rocking out, but I will be singing every word.  I’m balancing that show out with others where I will clearly be in the top 2% of the oldest people there by far.  Don’t care.  Don’t throw off my groove man.

I just signed up for a teaching credential 2 year college degree program last week.  My family witnessed me running around the house, laughing and happy singing “I’m going to college!”  I’m definitely not feeling my oncoming 46th year when I’m returning to college.  This is when I don’t feel old, because I feel like I still have a lot to give.  I’m not done yet.

Two years ago, I wrote The older I get…the more free I feel.  I vowed to make the rest of my life the best of my life.  I’ve been thrown some serious curve balls, and things haven’t gone quite as smoothly as planned since then, but always working on it.

My friends and I, while in the trenches of babies and toddlers, used to comment on how hard things were.  At that time, we also recognized that as hard as baby and toddler mom life was, teenager mom life would be a different kind of hard and tired.  Turned out to be a true story.  Rewarding and loving, but a different kind of hard.

A friend posted this article on her FB page today, it’s a long read, but I loved it.  Take the time and read it if you’re in the 40 somethings and in a not feeling it yet place like me!  Appreciate the things that the 40’s have brought.  There are many.  The post was touching and also super funny.  The fact that I have yet to step foot on our trampoline that has been in the backyard for the past couple of months directly related to the author stating getting on the trampoline would result in 3 chiropractor visits the following week!

Here is the article, make sure to check it out:  Her View From Home, This Stage of Life?  It’s Hard Too.  It’s good!

Bring it on 46!

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Too soon T-Mobile fees lice ad, too soon!

This commercial came on the other night, and the whole family cringed:

 

It isn’t a coincidence that lice is a 4 letter word.  It is the worst non life threatening thing ever!

Please feel free to laugh at my full lice account from March of 2015:

Lice is Evil

Oh. My. Gosh.

So, this just arrived in the mail this afternoon:

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Oh. My. Gosh.  The only thing that came to mind, is something that I am 99.9% certain that I’ve never said, and that I’ve even made fun of before:

I can’t even.

Because, I honestly couldn’t even.  I couldn’t wait to open it up and see what awaited me with such a fantastic cover!  It’s only got to be more crazy inside right?

Oh ya.

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No way.

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It just kept getting better!

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As unique as the love we share.  Wow.

I can not wait until Christmas morning!  (The sarcasm is strong with this one.)

This just made my day.  It goes hand in hand with these past posts.  Enjoy!

My husband is my best friend…NOT!

Best friend/wedding ring.  Yuck!

 

My Eyes!!! I can’t ever unsee some of that!

I have a gift/curse of seeing everything around me it seems.

I am known as the OSHA supervisor of my family.  I am always looking at what could go wrong with any situation, and I try to avoid the risks.  Our friends joke that I don’t let my kids eat with forks due to the danger.  I joked with them last week that we’ve moved onto sporks, but the weak almost bendable type!

I attribute my noticing everything partially to just who I am, and partially from risk management classes during college.  Always be aware of what could go wrong, and prepare for it.

This has led me to constantly have my eyes open and scan the area, and unfortunately for me, often times I just can’t ever erase some of what I see once I’ve seen it.  Here are four examples that come to mind right away:

1. Woman defecating in the parking lot in front of Toys R Us.

This past Saturday, I was working, and in between visits to care homes, I stopped at Michaels to pick up some more supplies and to eat my lunch while sitting in my car in the parking lot.  As I was pulling into the shopping center parking lot, I noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk that was walking unsteady, and was overall disheveled.  As I parked my car and started eating my lunch, I noticed the woman had turned into the parking lot.  As I stared out of my front window blankly letting my mind wander, I noticed her stop in a row that had dirt on the inside, pull down her pants, squat, and start going to the bathroom.  At this point, my head went back and forth, scanning the area to see if there was ANYONE ELSE that was seeing this!

 

CARS DROVE BY HER!  I watched the drivers, no one seemed to pay much attention to the woman squatted and pooping 2 feet from where their car was driving by!!!  I scanned my eyes more, and noticed a security guard, shooting the breeze while smoking with another guy, and it just so happened he was sitting on a shopping cart rail where a van was blocking his view of the woman pooping about 100 feet from him.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  She got up, pulled up her pants, and carried on.  It was like I was getting Punked.  It was also clearly not her first time doing this, because she didn’t miss a beat.  Needless to say, my grocery store sushi roll did not get eaten.

I HAD to make this to show how it really went down:

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2. Guy tying off his arm in two places whereas what I would assume to be in order to shoot up.

Thankfully, sometimes others see the things that I notice too.  Although, it would have been nice if not everyone in the car would have seen this episode.  Driving home from camping last week through a small farming town near the coast, right on the corner of a highway, no one else around, there was a man using his teeth and spare hand to tighten up a second elastic tourniquet on his right arm.  My husband and I both gave each other this look:

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Then the questions came from the 3 kids in the backseat.  Lovely conversation that I never thought I’d have to have, about something I never expected to see.

3. Older man’s pre-batting softball ritual.

Again, I was very thankful that this next one was witnessed by another person.  A friend who I will be able to text throughout life without needing much explanation as a description of this event.  Our husbands play on a softball team together.  A player from the other team got up to bat, approached the plate, and put the bat between his legs, and motioned it back and forth about 7 times before assuming his batting stance.

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But, let’s just say, to be putting it very mildly, it was not A Rod that we were watching. And, it was not raining, nor wet outside.  It was about 95 degrees and very dry.

4. Vomit at Disneyland’s World of Color show.

A few years back, when Disneyland’s World of Color outside water light show was new, we took the kids to see it as a last event of a very long day.  The show started, and due to my love for fireworks and the like, I was super excited.  Then, it happened.  Someone about 5 feet behind me, in the middle of the walkway threw up.  What happened next was mesmerizing.  Within about 60 seconds, a Disneyland worker with a briefcase showed up.  He took out a special package, unwrapped it and put on the gloves that were inside.  Next, he unwrapped a special paper towel set and scooped up the mess, and placed it into a zipped container.  Throughout this process, I swear I had the Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes factory song playing in my head:

He then got out a sprayer, and sprayed the ground, wiped it up with another special towel that he had unwrapped, and quickly shut his briefcase.  And just like that, he was gone.  I had my head rubbernecked behind me watching the detailed way that vomit was cleaned up at Disneyland for 5 minutes of the show.  I can’t tell you what songs played during the show, or what was projected up onto the shooting water.  But, I can tell you in detail the vomit clean up process.  I looked around often to see if anyone else was watching with me.  I even commented to my husband a few times, to which he clearly believed I was crazy to be so interested about the vomit clean up committee.

This is a very short list of the type of things I notice on an almost daily basis.  It’s a gift and a curse to see so many things that others may not.  And even though it’s most likely due to me being nervous and anxious that I am constantly casing my surroundings, at least I have some good stories!

An ode to See’s Candy

Happy birthday Mrs. See! 🙂

You can't argue with crazy

I am officially proclaiming my love for See’s Candy, right here on the information superhighway, the world wide web.

I love See’s Candy.

A lot.

I like all but the chocolate covered cherry one, and the pineapple one is not my favorite either (although I have been known to pick off the chocolate and eat that part if it is the only one left).  I am even happy when at the end of a box of Nuts and Chews, all I have left is the chocolate covered peanuts.

See’s Candy to me represents holidays.  As a kid, it was exciting when when people visited and brought See’s (usually older uncles and aunts).  It was like ‘oh look, they brought See’s!‘  Not that See’s equaled that they were rich, but it was more like a statement.  A statement of I’m bringing a quality food item that can be doubled as…

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I am one step up from jammie bottoms.

I was so excited tonight that I’m cold enough to wear warm jammies! Jammies are one of my favorite things! Made me think of this post from a while back…
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You can't argue with crazy

About a year ago, I was walking my kids into school and I heard shuffling/scraping of feet.  One of my least favorite sounds in the world.  I must tell my middle child to ‘pick up your feet’ at least 4 times a week.  As I looked to see who the culprit was, my eyes discovered it was a parent, shuffling her slippers across the sidewalk, her slippers accompanied by her jammies and jacket.  OH COME ON!!!!!!

I love jammies.  My family knows that, friends know that.  If I have nowhere to be, I’m wearing jammies, into the home office to do work, around the house to cook, clean and do laundry.  I loved when the kids were little and they didn’t have schedules yet, we would have jammie days all the time!  The warmer the jammies, the better.  Over the years, my kids have gotten me Spongebob jammies, Eeyore jammies…

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I am winning my migraine battle. No, for real, I am!

I have had one migraine in the past year.

Let me repeat that.

I have had ONE migraine in the past year.

If I would have written this yesterday, the number would have been two.  So, I was patiently waiting out yesterday, so I could say those awesome words of one migraine in the past year.

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I had one on September 7, 2015, following a fun, partying weekend which I believe the migraine was the payment for the fun.  See here.

And I had one on Cinco de Mayo of this year.  See here.

I have no special secret sauce, no explanation for this.

In terms of typical migraine triggers, I’ve had above my fair share.  My stress level for a large portion of 2016 reached levels that I don’t believe I’ve seen before.  That resulted in lack of sleep, lots of wine, chocolate, and definitely not eating as healthy as I have in past years, yet a decrease in migraines.

So, what’s working for me?  The constant continues to be my daily anti-migraine smoothies, Butterbur with feverfew, and B-2.  Same as the year prior where I had 9, and the year before that was my most migraines logged at 23.  The year of 23 resulted in having multiple migraines per week.  Each of my migraines last from start to finish: three days.  So, you can see why having one in the past year, that’s pretty freaking awesome.

Maybe I’ve grown out of them.  Maybe the lovely hormones that have come with me in my mid 40’s have assisted with keeping my migraines at bay.  If so, I’m hoping those same hormones aren’t resting me up for some huge whopper of new crap in the future. Trying not to let myself get too anxious with that though.

My second birthday of my little blog here just passed yesterday.  It’s definitely become somewhere that when I’m not writing about migraines, I’m expressing everything from my love of my cat litter box, to challenges with my kids, Pokemon GO, and a plethora of other stuff that no longer takes space up in my head once I write about it and click “post.”

Thanks for all the support I’ve been given over these past years!  I’ve loved it, and I really appreciate when some of my words strike a chord and relate with others!  Hope I’ve even gotten you to laugh a time or two! 🙂

Over the past two years, I’ve written 127 posts, and as a combination, those posts have been viewed 7,764 times.  That’s wild man.

Here are the top five posts viewed over the past two years:

  1. Thoughts on my 17th wedding anniversary…
  2. My husband is my best friend…NOT
  3. 3 tough questions my kids asked me over the weekend.
  4. Our children’s reality, uncomfortably numb.
  5. Atta-Boy Migraine!!!

And the one that started it all:

‘Winning’ (Charlie Sheen reference of course) the endless game of migraines (for this quarter at least)

One migraine in the past year.  I am definitely winning!

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The day I called our chickens A-Holes

Last Tuesday I called two of our four chickens A-Holes.  I’m certain I said the real word, but I’m keeping this family friendly.

A-Hole #1, Goldilocks

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A-Hole #2, Blackjack

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Now, this isn’t normal behavior, me calling my chickens names, so let me explain…

The prior Sunday, I went to let the chickens out of their Taj Mahal chicken coop, and my white one, Foggy (Full name Foghorn, because she’s a Leghorn type chicken.  How could we not name her that?)

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Anyhow, when I opened up the coop door, Foghorn, who is white, had blood covering her head and parts of her body.  Scared me to death.  When I tried to clean her up, the only thing I could determine is that I had thought the blood was coming from her comb (the red thing on top of her head.)  I left her in the coop alone because it’s possible that she was picked on by the others and they did the damage.  About an hour later, she was not doing well.  I picked her up and brought her inside of the office and put her in the sink and gave her a cool bath.  I have never given a chicken a bath.  I have no chicken medical experience, but it was over 100 degrees out, and she didn’t seem good.

My husband came home to a pretty much non responsive chicken inside a cat carrier, in our office with the A/C on.  He’s usually pretty grossed out by animals inside, but I think he knew, this being our most friendly and sweet chicken, who “talks” to us each time we talk to her, she needed to be taken care of the best way possible.  I wasn’t sure if she was going to make it.  The only way we described her was to say she was “beak down.”  Couldn’t lift her head, and couldn’t stand.  I gave her water out of my hand repeatedly through that evening.  The next morning, as I was apprehensive to check on her, she was standing, and then eating, and talking to us.  Crazy!  I put her in with our goats so that she wasn’t with the other chickens in case they were the culprits in this whole injury to start with.

There’s the backstory, on to the A-Holes…

On Tuesday, I was rushing to get all animals situated so I could leave for 2 nights to go away with my husband, with no kids.  (Sidenote:  it’s been 8 years since we have been gone without kids for 2 nights.)

As I was rounding up the chickens to put them inside their coop so I could leave, A-Hole #1 began hanging around the goat pen checking out Foggy through the fence posts with WAY too much interest.  So, as I picked her up and carried her to the coop, I told her (out loud) “Stop being an A-Hole, leave Foggy alone.”

When I went to close the chicken coop door, I realized only 2 of the 3 that should be in there were standing there looking at me.

The 3rd?

Over this fence in a neighbors yard.

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Did I mention I was trying to get on the road to get away for 2 nights?  I was already 1/2 hour later than I had wanted to leave, with no leaving in quick sight.

So, there I was, trying to call this chicken, entice it with treats, everything I could think of, and I reluctantly realized, there was no other option than to hop that damn fence.

When one of the chickens has gotten into this neighbors yard in the past, I have gotten one of the kids to climb the ladder, get over the fence, pick up the chicken, and climb back up the cross boards up and over the fence to put this chicken back on the right side of the fence.  We have no idea how these chickens pull their Houdini moves to get to the other side of the fence, so we don’t know any other way of getting them back.

No kids were here last Tuesday though.  My 45 year old self had to hop the fence, get in the other people’s yard, pick up the chicken, and climb the fence back over.  As I was straddling the top of the fence with the chicken in my arms, one leg on each side of the fence, I told Blackjack (out loud), “You’re an A-Hole.”  Then brought her to the safety of her coop.

This below is the reason why the chickens are no longer free to roam the yard whenever they want and have to be put in the coop sometimes:

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This guy.  Cooper.  Our 4 month old pup.  He’s fond of chasing the chickens and then giving their feathers “kisses,” for lack of a better description.

These two savage beasts that we have could care less about the chickens:

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Mara and Zoe, looking as fierce as ever.  You can read more about them here:  For the love of dogs.

Anyhow, happy ending, Foggy is doing great.  Still hanging out with the goats for a while longer while she completely heals.  And the others aren’t acting like A-Holes for now.

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And that, my friends, is definitely an example of “other tidbits of my life,” as explained in my blog’s title:

You can’t argue with crazy

Migraines suck, and other tidbits of my life!

Barely holding on to day 233…

A few times this last week, I’ve hit the panic button.

I felt a little dizzy, a little off, and then the panic dialog started inside my head:

“Oh no, this is it.  This is where the streak ends.  It was a good streak.  It will be ok.  What do I have going on the rest of the today…tomorrow?  I can handle it if it comes.”

Then, thankfully nothing.

Battling though.  Battling.

The weather.  What. The. Heck.

Rain one day.  Sunshine the next.  Thunder and lightening the next.  Then wind like the house is going to blow away.

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Weather is said to be a migraine trigger.

Honestly, at this point, just throw anything out there, it can be a migraine trigger.

Chocolate?  Trigger.  Wine?  Trigger.  Weather?  Trigger.  Dinosaurs?  Trigger.  Roller coaster?  Trigger.  Looking through a window?  Trigger.  Grocery shopping?  Trigger.

Obviously, sarcasm is involved, yet, if you google anything and migraine trigger, I’m sure it will be found somewhere.  Migraines are not choosy.

That leads me to my anxiety induced panic filled web search and phone calls of this afternoon following a regular visit to my natural foods store where I get the arsenal of my anti-migraine potion.

When I went to purchase Butterbur, they were out.  Not only out, but not sure when they will be getting any more in.  Apparently, there is a problem with the butterbur crop or something?  What the what??!!  Ok, how about Feverfew?  Nope, out of that too.

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Looked online, found my brand easily on a website….out of stock/backorder.

Called around and found a store that carried Butterbur about 15 miles from me.  I’ll be going to pick it up tomorrow.  I’m nervous if it is a different brand.  I’m certainly a creature of habit, and I don’t need any slight change to create a reaction in me.  But more important, I don’t want anything to change in my anti-migraine potion, along with my daily anti-migraine smoothie.  Because 233 days migraine free is amazing.  And I’m not sure which cog of this machine is making it work, but I’m not going to screw any of it up.

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Can’t wait to spend my $800,000

Dear Mr. Song Soo Shin,

I can not believe my good fortune in being able to collect $800,000.  All I need to do is give you any form of my identification, for example:  my international passport or my “driver license”, my telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.  And “more also” my mailing address where this Draft will be delivered?  My gosh, don’t forget, you probably need my social security number also don’t you?  I’m certain this would make it even easier for you to deliver these funds.

Just to clarify, you need me to “hasten up and pick this Fund?”  I’m not too sure what that means, but ok.  I’m sure that once you get all of my personal information, possibly the blood of my firstborn as well, that will all be worked out.

I can not believe that this is my last chance to cash in on this amazing opportunity.  I have no idea why your past emails have gone unanswered by me.  I feel so bad for wasting your time previously.  I so apologize for that, and am unmeasurably appreciative that you sent me one last email.

Thank you Mr. Song Soo Shin, I can not wait to tell my family that we get to book a 2 week trip to Hawaii, buy new cars for everyone, and get those ponies that my daughters have always wanted.  Followed by a big fat addition on our home so my kids don’t have to share a room any longer.  Truly Mr. Song Soo Shin, I have you to thank for future decreased fighting between siblings in this house.

Getting my personal identification records ready to forward you now….

 

 

 

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