birthday

A different kind of hard.

Age 46 is literally around the corner.  Like, a 15 day corner.

I’m just not feeling it though.  Not “I can’t handle turning 46.”  I’m truly not feeling 46.

Ok, ok, let’s be honest here.  Physically, I’m there at 46 if not and some.  I had to ask my husband to borrow his grocery store reading glasses yesterday to read because I couldn’t hold the book at an appropriate distance to see the words correctly, and I couldn’t find my grocery store reading glasses.  My hands feel like there is fire in my knuckles at times when my arthritis flares up.  And one of my kids told me my butt is flat two days ago.  Um, no it’s not.  That one I can’t handle.  I’m not going down like that.

Mentally and emotionally though?  I don’t feel old.  I know I’m not O-L-D, but I’m certainly old in younger circles opinions.  I was at work the other day at one of my care homes, and on the TV was on an old black and white movie.  The men were commenting on how a woman had gone down hill, and just let herself go, ‘but she was 45′ was the explanation the men gave.  Sigh.

Not feeling the 46 years in ways such as going to more concerts this summer than I have in the last 10 years combined.  I feel young and free at concerts.  I LOVE the loud music.  Grant it, one of the concerts will be Huey Lewis and the News, I won’t be rocking out, but I will be singing every word.  I’m balancing that show out with others where I will clearly be in the top 2% of the oldest people there by far.  Don’t care.  Don’t throw off my groove man.

I just signed up for a teaching credential 2 year college degree program last week.  My family witnessed me running around the house, laughing and happy singing “I’m going to college!”  I’m definitely not feeling my oncoming 46th year when I’m returning to college.  This is when I don’t feel old, because I feel like I still have a lot to give.  I’m not done yet.

Two years ago, I wrote The older I get…the more free I feel.  I vowed to make the rest of my life the best of my life.  I’ve been thrown some serious curve balls, and things haven’t gone quite as smoothly as planned since then, but always working on it.

My friends and I, while in the trenches of babies and toddlers, used to comment on how hard things were.  At that time, we also recognized that as hard as baby and toddler mom life was, teenager mom life would be a different kind of hard and tired.  Turned out to be a true story.  Rewarding and loving, but a different kind of hard.

A friend posted this article on her FB page today, it’s a long read, but I loved it.  Take the time and read it if you’re in the 40 somethings and in a not feeling it yet place like me!  Appreciate the things that the 40’s have brought.  There are many.  The post was touching and also super funny.  The fact that I have yet to step foot on our trampoline that has been in the backyard for the past couple of months directly related to the author stating getting on the trampoline would result in 3 chiropractor visits the following week!

Here is the article, make sure to check it out:  Her View From Home, This Stage of Life?  It’s Hard Too.  It’s good!

Bring it on 46!

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The older I get…the more free I feel.

Last week was my 44th birthday.  Although I spent it as day 3 of a flu/food poisoning experience, I feel that this is going to be a darn good year.

Last month, I discovered a very cool, inspirational website and Facebook page called http://www.theseeds4life.com.

I submitted the quote below with my interpretation and inspiration from it regarding my upcoming 44th birthday.

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I was very pleased with their publishing of my interpretation, which was accompanied by a beautiful picture.  I was fortunate to even get some wonderful feedback from readers.  You can read the short article here:

http://www.theseeds4life.com/i-choose-to-make-the-rest-of-my-life-the-best-of-my-life-louise-hay-2

“What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet.”

Being sick on your favorite holiday = no fun. No fun meaning, no appetite.

4th of July is my favorite holiday.  It’s probably because the 5th of July is my birthday, and as a kid, the 4th was the pre show to my birthday, fireworks and all!!  I love fireworks, unfortunately, my fireworks were provided by NBC, and watched by me as I laid on the couch:

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It all started Thursday night, my back and legs were killing me while watching my son’s baseball game.  I thought I was just tired.  By the time I got home, chills, aches, and stomach pains.  Not a fun night of sleep.

Friday brought a fever, more stomach pains, and way more chills.  It was 100+ outside, and I was inside sleeping with 2 blankets on me.  (Sidenote, I have gotten my fill of HGTV these last few days, which is quite enjoyable.)

Now, when I say fever, I mean a slightly elevated temperature than normal.  I would never be able to hang with a 102.5 like my kids cruise around with not even mentioning they don’t feel good.  But, those chills man, they are the worst, and the headache that comes with it, it had remnants of a migraine headache, which set in a quick panic, then put the nausea and stomach pains on top of all of it.  Done.  No 4th of July for me.

Today is my birthday, and unfortunately we aren’t going to go paddle boarding like planned.  My middle daughter and I had this discussion earlier:

L:  Are we going anywhere today?

Me: Like where?

L:  Like, in public?

Me:  No.

I feel bad, I hate being down.  Although today is the first day that I feel I will make it to see my birthday next year.  I believe I had food poisoning.  Throughout the last three days, each and every time I thought about a lunch I had when I went out with a friend, I dry heaved.  I really liked the lunch at the time, but the thought of it these last few days made me retch.  No other food thoughts did that.  And I had a lot of food thoughts.

Today was the first day I was hungry since Friday.  My husband said he was going to go get deli sandwiches.  Usually, on birthdays in our family, the birthday person gets to choose whatever they want for their dinner.  I would never, ever have chosen deli sandwiches.  I would usually choose something that I don’t get to have often like Vietnamese food, or sushi, not deli sandwiches.  But when he said that, my eyes lit up.  That sounded SO good!

I love to eat.  A lot.  So, as I looked at this sandwich my husband brought me after the day before literally only having 3 graham crackers and a handful of BBQ chips (had to, the salty/sweet is undeniably delicious), I knew I was about to put it away.

IMG_6016Oh ya.

I watched Unbroken with my kids the night before I got sick.  On day 2 of not eating, I thought again about how they were in that raft for so long without food.  Then, I thought about how so many times while watching reality shows like Survivor, that I’m pretty sure I’d get beat up by someone if I were on that show because I’d be dreaming of food constantly out loud.

It would go something like this:

‘Oh man, there’s this place in Pismo, called Hoagies, they have these wraps called the Pismo Wrap…It’s tri tip, curly fries, avocado, BBQ sauce, and paper jack cheese in a tortilla.  All warm and good.  They are huge!  You can’t even finish a whole one!  What I would give for that right now!’

or

‘My last meal would be at Blue Coyote in Truckee.  I’d order garlic chips, which aren’t chips, think pizza, sliced up in little pieces, with garlic sauce and melty cheese on top.  I’d get a side salad, which has all sorts of goodies in it, with honey mustard dressing, and a double order of Truckee Style boneless wings.  Awww ya man!  That’s what I’m talking about!  Those wings, dip them in some blue cheese just to cool off the kick, that’s serious.’

And then the film crew would cut to me getting popped in the face with someone yelling over me ‘I told you to shut up and quit talking about food when we’re all here starving!!!’

I can’t help it.  Always been this way.  I love food.  It made me sad that I didn’t want any for the last two days.

So, happy birthday to me, my appetite is back!!!